23 goals for 2023? Do this instead!

It’s that time of year again. The beginning of a new year. A great time to take stock and set some goals, right? Well, of course, it’s an ending and a new beginning so it’s quite natural to want to take stock and set a direction with some goals. As people we thrive when we have a sense of direction to channel our energies. I’m sure you’ve noticed that the articles and listicles have already started piling up with advice or suggestions on which goals you could set and how you should go about doing it. Last year the big one that did the rounds was 22 goals for 2022. This year, it’s 23 goals for 2023.

Now it might just be me, but how on earth are any of us supposed to come up with and then stick to 23 separate goals in 2023? It’s hard enough to keep going to the gym or to eat healthier when those are the only goals we set ourselves. But there’s now the pressure to set 23 goals so how are you supposed to do that?

In this article, I’m going to suggest that it’s not the quantity of goals you set that is important and it’s certainly not about how it sounds. Because, let’s face it, 23 goals for 2023 sounds great. It rolls off the tongue well and has a satisfying sound. I will acknowledge that the sites I have seen with articles about 23 goals to set in 2023 don’t explicitly prescribe anyone has to set 23 goals. The message is very clear though - setting this many goals is going to be better for you than making one. If you don’t think too much about it, this reasoning makes sense. However there can be a real sense of overwhelm involved with setting goals like this. Looking over one of the articles designed to help you set these goals, I see things like “Prioritise your own happiness”, “Practice self love” and “Change your diet”. Another starts with “Get adequate sleep” and “Eat a plant-based diet”.  I think we can all agree that looking after our own happiness, learning to be more compassionate towards ourselves, improving our nutrition and making sure we get adequate sleep are positive things to aspire to. I did see one which talked about setting 23 “micro goals” but then proceeded to list “Spend 1,000 hours outside” and “Pay off debt” in their list of 23 goals for 2023. These don’t seem like genuine “micro goals” to me - especially in a list with 21 other goals. Take all of these individually and it’s clear that they are (or at least can be) big undertakings just in and of themselves. If you then put them together with 22 other goals where a lot are similarly large undertakings, you’ve just created a massive and seemingly unscalable mountain for yourself. 

Imagine standing at the foot of Mount Everest, staring at the summit and not being able to see a clear path in front of you. You may see many paths or no paths. It’s then hugely daunting to begin to navigate the climb ahead of you. Where do you take your first step? 

With the 23 goals for 2023, which of those 23 goals do you start with? And once you’ve identified which goal you’re starting with, how do you get started with something as open-ended and ill-defined as “Practice self love”, especially if you’re more accustomed to and find it natural, maybe even automatic, to engage in self criticism? 

I love goal setting. It’s a wonderful, positive action someone can take for themselves. When it’s done properly, you will have a clear vision of what your goal is and which first steps you need to take. Forget what you know about SMART goals though, there are issues with SMART goals and they are not particularly effective. The type of goal setting I love doing with my clients is proven to be effective in getting results. It engages your creativity and imagination. It also acknowledges the importance of and ensures the alignment between your conscious and unconscious minds so you are not fighting against yourself. This all works to eliminate self sabotage and to promote a smoother, more consistent path to achieving your goal, whatever your goal may be. 

You can write a goal for any area of your life. It could be short term, medium term or long term. All you need to do is make sure you write it properly. And yes, you need to write it down!

Here’s a brief summary of the guidelines for setting an effective goal.

1. Write it in the present tense as if you already have achieved it
   Pick a date that feels reasonable for achieving your goal and write as if you were already there on that date with as much detail as possible about what you can see, hear, smell, touch and taste as well as any emotions. Being able to visualise your success helps combat self doubt and boost self confidence.
   For example if I were writing a goal for being able to cook a delicious rare steak, I would include descriptions of how it smells, looks, feels in my mouth and tastes. I would include what else I was having with it and where I was. Lots of info so it’s a rich mental image and not just words on the screen/paper.

2. Include a clear evidence procedure
   This is essential and basically comes down to answering the question “How will you know you’ve done it?” Taking my previous example of being able to cook a delicious rare steak, I would need to specify how this ability is evidenced. Is it enough for me to know how to tweak what I did today to cook that delicious rare steak or do I have to execute it fully? Would I be cooking and eating alone or would other people be there to provide feedback?

3. All goals need to be written about what you want
   Words such as no and not are simply ineffective when setting a goal. Our minds are pretty great at following instructions. However if you give it instructions to not do something, it needs to focus on the thing you want to avoid in order to make sense of and follow the instructions. Essentially you are instructing your mind to simultaneously avoid/not do something and to monitor for it. This called the Ironic Process Theory. The most effective way is to state what you want so your mind is getting a strong, consistent message and can dedicate all its effort towards the one goal.

4. Reference the moment you wrote your goal and identify the first step to achieving it
   This may feel like a two-fer but they make sense together. I like to get clients to address these in one sentence similar to “Looking back to when I wrote my goal on [enter date of writing goal], I remember that the first step I had to take was [enter first step towards achieving your goal].” This helps to solidify timescales and the first step in your mind.

5. When setting and writing your goal, remember the difference between what you can control and what you can’t control. You cannot, for example, control how someone else feels or what they do. So where other people feature in your goal, refer simply to them as friends, family, girlfriend/wife, boyfriend/husband, partner etc. Make sure that your goal is only regarding things you can control so rather than having the goal “buy a house” if you are buying with someone else, your goal should reflect your contribution towards the purchase only (eg “have £200,000 in my savings account”).

The above 5 points are the best, most effective tips for writing successful and effective goals that you can use on your own straight away. One goal is all you should need for one area of your life when you approach it like this. If you have, for example, three goals regarding your social life, I would be encouraging you to make sure that they are not overlapping or to check whether it might be more efficient to write one goal which includes all three. 

There are a few more things I go through with clients when they have written their goals to make sure that their goal is going to get them success. Ultimately it comes down to making sure that both their conscious and unconscious minds are in agreement and working together towards the written goal. 

We check for:

• Whether achieving the goal would actually fit with the other areas of the client’s life 

• Whether the unconscious mind needs things changing in the goal itself - this is very helpful as something the client’s conscious mind says is all good can be a sticking point for the unconscious mind

• And whether the client has access to or can gain access to the necessary resources for achieving their goal.

One of the reasons people don’t stick with or achieve things is because of self sabotage or getting in their own way because the conscious and unconscious minds don’t agree on something or one is working with different priorities to the other and this is exactly what I work with clients on avoiding after they have written their goal. The unconscious mind is very symbolic and, naturally, doesn’t get to answer direct questions under usual, everyday circumstances. This does tend to mean that the goal checking process needs some explanation before we can do it. Once the client understands the process, it works quickly, efficiently and effectively.

If you have any questions about this approach to goal setting, writing and checking, please email or message me.

I wish you all the best with writing your effective goals for 2023!

References

22 goals for 2022
23 goals for 2023
Why SMART goals don't work
Ironic Process Theory
Written goals and accountability are more effective than unwritten goals or written goals without accountability