“You want me to…what?”
“I want you to do one thing for yourself each day.”
That was my counsellor years ago calmly encouraging me to be kinder to myself. She went on to give examples and state that the important thing was that whatever I did made me feel good.
At the time, I lived solely for what I could do for other people. If I could put myself down at the same time, all the better!
Useless.
Unlovable.
Ugly.
Stupid.
Friendless.
Unlikable.
Failure.
Bad daughter/sister/friend.
Disgusting.
Waste of space.
These are some of the things I would call myself.
So the thought of setting aside time just for me for no reason other than to be kind to myself was incredibly uncomfortable and I didn’t want to do it!! I didn’t appreciate just how awful I was being to myself on a daily - no, even hourly! - basis. Nor did I appreciate the difference it could make if I did behave in a more loving way towards myself.
I did it though. Slowly at first with patchy success. It was so uncomfortable. Gradually, I got used to doing something for myself a few times a week or whatever. I had goals to do various things for myself on a regular basis, it was just hard because I still didn’t feel all that great about myself. Then I started to spend time with people who encouraged and supported my efforts to look after myself better. That made a huge difference!
Now I really, truly value my self care. Taking time out each day to do things purely because I know that I need to do them to feel OK and able to handle things is a part of life that I treasure. Instead of doing one thing a day, I am now doing 10! I do engage in the occasional larger things like days out or holidays, but it is the daily stuff which really makes a difference.
Through engaging in regular self care, I make better decisions, think more clearly, have better mental health, cope with stress better and I am a nicer person to myself. It’s no longer something I feel bad, guilty or uncomfortable about.
Along the road, I have picked up a few tips and tricks which have been really beneficial for myself as well as others. It may have been a struggle at times, but I am so glad to have done it!! Life is certainly much easier and more enjoyable now!
I can guide and support you through this too, all it takes is for you to send me an email :)
